We’re excited to announce our very first Guest Blogger, Lauren Lodder of Mommy Owl. She’s an amazing mother, writer and friend. Please comment, share and enjoy…
If you are a mom then chances are you have experienced sleep-deprivation. After tending to your babies throughout the night, you force your bone-weary body out of bed to perform the various roles you play throughout the day: mother, wife, employee, domestic goddess. The fact that you get through the day in one piece is nothing short of a miracle. In your tired state, you have surely had several oops moments you would rather not admit to. Here are 50 bizarre behaviors of sleep-deprived moms:
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Pour breast milk or formula into your coffee mug instead of creamer.
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Jump out of the way whenever someone tries to include you in a picture.
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Wear yesterday’s make-up.
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Borrow diapers, wipes, and kid clothes from friends, neighbors, strangers, and lost-and-found.
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Throw your hair in a wet bun instead of brushing it after showering.
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Drop your kids off at the gym daycare and then take a nap in the car.
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Instantly befriend other tired-looking moms and bond over your lack of sleep.
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Get lost on your way home, even though you have driven this same route a thousand times.
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Use your car as a trash bin and/or a storage unit for everything kid related.
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Skip shaving all together, except for date night (and sometimes even then).
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Use television as a babysitter.
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Eat dinner for breakfast (cold pizza) and breakfast for dinner (cereal).
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Skip showers and just put on more deodorant.
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Doze off in inappropriate places or in awkward positions.
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Drink more than 3 cups of coffee before noon. (Admit it. Your Starbuck’s barista has your coffee order memorized.)
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Throw away kids’ clothes when the poop stains are too intense to deal with.
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Sit on the toilet far longer than necessary to get some alone time.
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Chew gum instead of brushing your teeth.
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Accidentally lock keys and/or kids in the car.
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Skip walking the dog again.
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Avoid the mailbox: if you don’t see bills then they don’t exist and you don’t have to deal with them.
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Forget to get the mail for so many days that it’s returned to the post office.
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Forget what day of the week it is.
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Envy everyone who looks well rested.
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Worship anyone willing to come over and watch your children while you rest.
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Play your children’s music in the car when they are not in the car.
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Use your significant other’s toothbrush because you can’t find yours.
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Re-read the same page of your book over and over again and then give up reading.
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Leave groceries and/or baby bottles in the car and forget about them until your car starts to smell.
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Start drinking alcohol at 4PM because you need to survive the next few hours before your kids go to sleep.
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Spend the whole day looking forward to your kids’ naps and bedtimes.
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Make personal doctor’s appointments and then forget to show up.
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Celebrate whenever someone cancels plans with you because it means you get to stay home and do nothing.
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Go to the grocery store and forget everything you need.
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Buy everything online. (On behalf of tired mothers everywhere, thank you, Amazon Prime!)
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Tell yourself that “Someday I will sleep again,” “Tomorrow I will leave the house,” or “Tomorrow I will exercise.”
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Dye your hair a darker color, so you don’t have to keep up with highlights or other hair treatments.
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Forget if you fed your cat/dog/fish and so feed them twice.
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Forget if you shut your garage or if you turned off your iron, curling iron, oven, or stove and have to turn the car around.
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Wear yoga pants every day and occasionally put them on inside out.
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Put lotion, hand soap, or hemorrhoid cream on your toothbrush.
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Leave laundry in the washing machine until it smells and then wash it again.
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Bump into every surface of your house and have at least 10 unexplained bruises.
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Melt down in inappropriate places and in front of anyone lucky enough to see you that day—neighbors, pediatrician, UPS drivers, among others.
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Crash your car into the garage door or have other fender benders often.
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Buy paper plates and cups so you don’t have to deal with dishes.
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Laugh uncontrollably at things that just aren’t funny and find yourself wondering if you are losing your mind.
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Have every intention of making a delicious meal, buy the ingredients, and then watch them expire in your refrigerator.
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Wish that for just one day your partner could breastfeed your child.
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Remember the days when you had your act together and wonder if they will ever return.
If any of the above behaviors applies to you, you are a sleep-deprived mom. Welcome to the club! Membership is free and will last for the next 18 years.
